The Perfect Woman
by j.curl
Summary: A collection of oneshots featuring Orihime and pretty much every single male in Bleach. There are no connections of any of the sections. First up: Orihime x Kenpachi. Rated T for


A collection of ficlets pairing Inoue with pretty much everyone of the male persuasion in Bleach. I'll say this in the beginning: Some of these may not make sense, some may be a bit mary-sue, some may be OOC, some may have lemon, some may be drabble-ish, some may piss you off, some may make you think 'This person is obviously nuts', some make make you flame me.

I Don't Care.

I took this project up because I like Orihime and I love Bleach. Its a way to progress myself as a writer, to be able to write any situation, any story, any PAIRING, with moderate believability, if not more. If you like what I'm doing: I appreciate encouragement. If you think I could do it better: I appreciate constructive criticism. If you absolutely hate it: flame me so I can have a good laugh, but don't expect me to stop what I'm doing or even take a break from it to reply to your rant.

1. The Rain and the Warrior. Kenpachi. Yachiru notices the odd way her Ken-chan is around Orihime. The intruder leaves and puts Yachiru at ease, but when Orihime shows up seven years later, Yachiru worries again.

Written when the series was up to episode 59-anime, not manga.

**Translations:**

_Ame: rain_

00

The Rain and the Warrior

00

Ken-chan was _hers_. That girl, that Moririn, wanted to steal him from her.

Yachiru knew this the first time Inoue met her Ken-chan. She sat there in her chair facing him, looking innocent and scared for Ichi. Yumichika called her beautiful and Ikakku's words were soft and kind when he asked if she knew if Ichi was alive and he called her _Orihime-chan_. Not Inoue-san. Not onna. Not brat. That was weird in itself but Yachiru had her first uneasy feeling at the look on Ken-chan's face when he heard _Orihime-chan_'s sad but determined words, her words of faith that Ichi was alive. He _consoled _her, telling that poisonous girl what she needed to hear: comforting words. Ken-chan was being _nice_.

And that's when Yachiru knew she had to act, before Moririn knew that Ken-chan liked her _that way_. Before that girl could take away the only person Yachiru cared about.

When they left to find Ichi, Ken-chan let Moririn ride on his back and he asked her for directions. Yachiru was being replaced. So she did what any competitor would do: she hit Inoue...seemingly on accident of course, and told Ken-chan different directions. Then that pachinko-head third seat tried to side with Moririn as well, insulting her: his superior! When Ken-chan went his own way, Yachiru couldn't help but let out a yay for her Ken-chan. The girl didn't have him yet. When they stopped, breaking into the prison where the other ryoka were, Yachiru let the imposter know she was not welcome by pulling her off the Captain. As predicted, her actions toward Moririn were perceived as cute, unthreatening; just little Yachiru playing around again.

She did that a few more times, after they had left Ken-chan to his fight like he wanted. She even helped Ichi out by clearing the way for his friends even though _she_ was with them. Ken-chan would want her to help Ichi. Yachiru hoped by then he would see why she belonged with him, not that girl. She understood him, his love of fighting, his loneliness, his madness.

Pink hair was much prettier than orange hair anyways.

They had another two years where contact with the girl was minimal. Two years of fighting Menos Grandes and Aizen's army. And after that she dropped off the radar for a half of a decade. Five blissful, booby-free years, just Ken-chan and Yachiru. Ichi still visited and Ken-chan asked how 'the other ryoka' were doing, even though Yachiru knew he was only interesed about a certain one. But that was the extent of his inquiry and it suited her just fine.

But then the girl had to go and _die_.

00

Captain Unohana had been waiting for this day and even had a subordinate on standby to find the girl's soul in Rukongai to begin training at Soul Society. This girl's soul had awoken early and given her the natural healing ability while still on the living plane. The ability had intensified after her life expired, evident in the fact that after only being in the Rukongai for about ten minutes, Inoue Orihime was halfway through cleaning out an riceball vendor's stall. In actuality it was a humorous sight; the redhead stuffing her face and simultaneously trying to apologize. They would have to make a note to pick Ichigo up the second he died, at the risk of him demolishing the entire food supply. Before that incident, Unohana had been alone in the realization that Orihime was the equivalent of an Ichigo in the healing arts. With the right training, Orihime could be at captain-level within two years...a captain of the fourth division at least. She was already extremely advanced and Unohana planned to take advantage of that, which is exactly what she told the others of her rank.

Isane had died during the battle against Aizen and the soft-spoken Unohana Retsu had held off choosing a new Lieutenant. Rumors surfaced and many lower level Shinigami hypothesized, correctly as a matter of fact, that the former ryoka intruder was to be the replacement. These whispers spawned malicious talk as she shot up the ranks without any thoughts to those who had been in Fourth Squad for over a hundred years. No one could argue that the girl wasn't skilled enough, but nevertheless Unohana's decision was resented, though the disagreements weren't brought to the captain's face. Instead, the dissidents chose to take it out on Orihime herself.

It was nowhere near blatant. The Shinigami weren't stupid enough to outright hurt the girl, but they snubbed her all the same. Orihime's friends were limited to Hanatarou, Yumichika, Ikkaku, Rukia, and Renji. When Ichigo visited she spent time with him as well, which was another sore point for those that disliked her. The aforementioned group discussed the alienation of the buxom redhead on more than one occasion.

"She seems happy enough," commented Rukia during one such a discussion. Ichigo was the first to answer.

"Of course she is! Inoue is clueless as to the politics that go on around her. The only way she would notice someone didn't like her is if they came right up to her and said it!"

"I don't think you give her enough credit," Hanatarou disagreed, shaking his head. "I think she realizes it, but just brushes it off. She's the kind of person to be thankful for what she has, not what she doesn't."

"Or in this case, who she has," added Renji. He paused and then let out a grin. "You seem worried for her, Ichigo."

All present expected him to get angry to cover up his embarassment at the teasing tone, but the precocious Shinigami disappointed them.

"I have known Orihime for a long time," he said quietly, but firmly. "She has always been there for me and nothing will stop me from doing the same for her."

The group sat in contemplative silence, remembering his or her own experiences with the girl in question. Ikkaku was the first to speak.

"Yachiru hates her for some reason." Everyone looked at him, incredulous. All except Yumichika. "She does. I don't know why, but since Orihime-chan came to Soul Society, Yachiru has gone out of her way to avoid her."

"Isn't it obvious?" Yumichika interjected. Honestly, was everyone unaware of romance these days? "She is afraid."

Now even Ikkaku was staring blankly at him.

"She feels threatened by Orihime because Zaraki-taichou is interested in her. Taichou is her whole world."

Silence until,

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You must be reTARded!"

"I have to agree with Ikkaku, Yumichika. Not on the latter point, because he is Yachiru's world, but on the first. The only thing Zaraki is interested in is fighting." Rukia scratched her head. The fifth seat of eleventh squad crossed his arms and turned up his nose.

"Laugh all you want, but next time you see them together, you'll realize what I've known for seven years now." He looked them all dead in the eye. "Taichou wants her and Yachiru is afraid she'll be pushed to the side."

His words sounded almost prophetic and though they were still grinning, everyone knew that they would be watching closely from now on what exactly caught Yumichika's eye when he looked at Zaraki Kenpachi and Inoue Orihime.

00

That time was not long in coming.

"Onna."

Orihime was startled from her bow. The Captain of the Eleventh passed her on the second floor walkway outside of the Vice Captain's meeting building. She bowed to show respect, but the action had apparently stopped him in his tracks. She didn't expect him to say anything to her.

In truth, Kenpachi had planned this; running into her supposedly at random. A key factor in victory is making the opponent off-balance, catching them off-guard. He grinned at her.

"Onna."

He thought it was funny how surprised she looked. But of course, she recovered quickly.

"Zaraki-taichou, how are you?"

The Captain said nothing, but the grinned deepened. Orihime was silent, not knowing what to say to him. She hadn't talked to him in seven years and even then he was only trying to find Ichigo.

"You made Vice Captain quickly," he commented. She had the grace to blush and look away.

"It made alot of people angry with me."

A bark of laughter surfaced from him, short and abrupt.

"It's called jealousy, onna, not anger. Jealousy."

A wry smile appeared on her lips, and it seemed out of character.

"I am called Inoue Orihime, Zaraki-taichou, not 'onna'. Inoue Orihime."

He nodded in acceptance.

"Fair enough."

She bowed again, slightly, before resuming her walk.

Zaraki Kenpachi waited until he couldn't hear her footfalls.

00

"Unohana-taichou! I have come to inform you that Eleventh Squad is beginning their drills! Zaraki-taichou requests a member of the fourth squad on standby!" A lesser member of said squad unnecessarily shouted his message to the woman with the backwards braid. She smiled slightly and told him someone would be along shortly. She looked over her shoulder at Inoue-san, who was busy sorting some paperwork.

"All finished!" The redhead dusted her hands with a smile after she place the last stack in a neat pile. She looked up at her captain expectantly with a sober face. Orihime tried to be as serious and sophisticated as she could when she knew someone higher up than her was watching. She really only became the old Orihime around Rukia and Ichigo.

"Would you be willing to work standby on Eleventh Squad's drills Orihime?" Her subordinate looked at her with wide eyes. "You have been inside all day and besides, Hanatarou is sick. You can fill in for him."

"Hai, Unohana-taichou." Orihime was still not used to the somewhat informal relationship between Captains and Vice Captains: she bowed deeply to Unohana before leaving the building.

Walking outside, Orihime took a deep breath of air. She had been cooped up inside for the majority of the week; being in the sun would do her some good. A few flash steps later and she was in the courtyard in front of the Eleventh Squad's building. Surveying her surroundings, she was startled by a loud voice.

"Orihime-chan! OY! Oriiiihiiimeee-chaaaan!" She turned around to find a blood-soaked Ikkaku. "I'm first Orihime-chan!"

She looked at his proudly smiling face and, covered with blood it may have been, it brought a grin to her lips.

"I haven't seen you in a couple of days Ikkaku, whereas Yumichika visited me yesterday," she pointed to the warrior coming up behind him, holding a gash in his arm closed. "Shouldn't he be first?"

As soon as the words left her mouth, several more eleventh squad members began limping and hobbling their way towards her.

"Is it always like this?" she asked in wonderment of so many wounded, so quickly. The use of her 'fairy' sextuplet was limited to personal use now. She unsheathed her zanpakutou and held it in front of her. _No use healing all of them one at a time_, she thought.

"Iie, not usually."

"_Ame_." The blade turned blue and fractured into tiny droplets, similar to the renkai of Kuchiki Byakuya.Yet, instead of being sliced by those bits of light, the cuts and scapes on the group in front of her were mended instantly as they alighted on and melded with the flesh.

"Wow! Orihime-chan! That was AMAZING! All of us at once!"

"You've never seen my Renkai before?" She thought it was well known by now; she had been using it for months. As a matter of fact, she was in the process of mastering her Bankai. But then again, she really only used her healing abilities around Unohana when they were training together. The relative peace prevented a useful outlet for her healing powers and the few Shinigami that needed such would be sent to the Fourth's lower members.

But her musings were interrupted as more bloodly Shinigami made their way towards her.

"Thanks Orihime-chan! We'll be back!" Ikkaku called over his shoulder, clapping Yumichika and another she didn't know on the back. They moved toward the training ground.

"Wait! Tell me what is going on!" She was stunned by the sheer number of wounded that were seemingly overflowing out of the arena's doorway.

"Taichou is taking all of us on at once." The redhead paled and when she spoke, her voice was angry.

"None of you move from the spot you are standing on! I mean it!" No one had witnessed this side of Orihime before. She marched over to the entrance, waiting until the last member of the Eleventh squad had passed through. She returned them to normal with her zanpakutou once more and then went inside.

"Hurry up and get'em healed, Hanatarou!" The voice inside thundered.

"What are you _doing_?" Zaraki Kenpachi was standing in the middle of the arena, with minimal damage. Orihime's voice practically screeched across the expanse of brown dirt between them, and would have echoed had this place been enclosed.

"Ah, Inoue-san! Did Hanatarou get tired so quickly?" He stood grinning at her, a single drop of blood making its way down his cheek from a sword's scratch, barely a whisper of a scrape, and the only mark on him.

"Hanatarou is sick. Unohana-taichou assigned me here." She paused for a moment and gauged her next words. "The demolition of your entire unit can't be considered effective training."

"Maybe, maybe not. They are fighting me. Besides, it will weed out the weaklings."

"I would think it is technique as much as strength," she answered, more caught up in her own musing than in the conversation.

"Strength is everything. Technique comes second."

Orihime looked at him then, head cocked.

"Who has the best technique in your squad, even though he may not be the strongest?"

"Ask Ikkaku...why do you wanna know?" She had already started walking towards the doorway, but turned at his question.

"I'm going to prove to you that strength isn't everything, Zaraki Kenpachi."

00

It turned out that the Shinigami with the best technique was named Kobayashi Tomeo. He was of middling strength and had no outstanding attibutes besides his technical mastery. Orihime took him aside and began to explain the situation. After the mention of possibly defeating his captain though, his excitement skyrocketed and she could only follow him into the arena, the plan half known.

When she entered, Tomeo was already bowing to his captain. Kenpachi was grinning at her.

"I don't have to tell you that compared to me, this man is about as strong as water is to stone, right?"

Orihime grinned right back.

"I don't have to tell you that water can wear stone down to sand, or when frozen, break it, right?"

"You got me there. We'll see how well your water does against my blade."

He got into a fighting stance and Orihime put up her hand.

"First, take off your eyepatch." A bark of laughter escaped him and Tomeo turned around to look at her, a small amount of fright apparent in his eyes. When he saw that she was serious, the Captain of the Eleventh did as she requested and the redhead was nearly blown away by the sheer force of his strength. Fortunately, she figured, the time fighting alongside Ichigo helped her stand it. She unsheathed her Zanpakutou and said a quick prayer.

00

Zaraki Kenpachi watched the healer shout something and then plunge her sword into his squad member's back. The Shinigami audience standing behind her did a collective jaw-dropping. But Kenpachi didn't. He was curious.

The sword she stabbed into the man in front of him didn't come out the other side. Instead, he stood stock-still for all of ten seconds. Then he began to glow blue. Without warning, this...Tomeo's spirit power exploded upward until it matched his own. The onna, Orihime stood with a determined look on her face, reiatsu-generated wind blowing her hair around her wildly, looking for all the world like a raging fire.

She nodded once and then the battle began.

00

In the beginning it was Kenpachi who was pushed back, having to rely on defense. But as the encounter wore on, Orihime began to wear out, and forty minutes in the two fighters were at a standstill. When it reached the sixty minute mark, she called it quits.

"I think I've proven my point to you, Zaraki-taichou." The Captain dismissed his squad, including Tomeo, before answering her.

"'Tools' like that are not a measure of strength. I would rather lose on my own damn skills than win with such a pansy-ass trick."

She looked at him in speculation and he felt judged. She decided he was testing her.

"'An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure'. Have you ever heard that saying?" She paused, looking at him intently. "I don't think you truly concede to what you are saying. Its a lie you have told yourself so many times that you have begun to believe it a truth."

He felt as though she had ripped his chest open and was peering into his insides. But he kept his face still.

"When you stop lying to yourself, your zanpakutou will tell you its name. She screams it over and over when you force her to fight and cut your enemies." Orihime's eyes were shining with tears. "You can look at another opponent and see through him easily; you're infamous for it. But you have never been able to turn that omnicient eye upon your own soul."

He couldn't breathe. _What the fuck. She has the goddamn 'omnicient eye'._

And then she was walking out, tears flowing uncontrolably, and neither knew why. She stopped at the door, hesitant, and called over her shoulder.

"One doesn't have to be strong to posess strength, you know."

And then she was gone.

00

He didn't see her after that for weeks. Since that day, for the first time since he could remember, Zaraki Kenpachi didn't feel like fighting, like training; he just wanted to sit in a quiet place and think about that onna's...Orihime's words. He would never admit that to anyone so instead he continued to wander about the Gotei 13 and watch his squad's drills. He thought he was acting normally, but everyone who knew him wondered at his contemplative silence.

Who would guess that his wanderings were excuses to run into the Fourth Squad's Lieutenant? Who would see that every few seconds his eyes left the practicing hoard and scanned the horizons for the form of a certain woman? Who knew that every time he called for a healer when Ikakku 'accidentally' ran a team member through he hoped for Orihime?

No one, save maybe Yumichika.

But everyone did notice the absence of Yachiru.

00

Ken-chan had forgotten her. He promised her, on that day he made it rain a red so beautiful; rubies caught in a web of sunlight, that they would be together and now he didn't want her anymore. He didn't even really talk to her anymore, just moped around trying to run into the Moririn. And what was worse, the Moririn avioded Ken-chan!

Yachiru was torn between hating the woman who Ken-chan wanted and wanting her to be with him so that he would be truly happy.

Her tears began to fall as heavily as the drops of blood one the day she met the only man she ever knew.

The only man she ever loved who thought of her only as a daughter.

Yachiru wiped her eyes and picked up her zanpakutou. Zaraki Kenpachi had moved on to another stage in his life, and she would too. It hurt now, badly, but it was a testament to their friendship that she knew he would welcome her if...when she returned. It was her time to leave the shelter of his generous shadow and grow up.

00

"I'm not going to tell you."

He found her crosslegged on the roof of Seventh Squad's barracks. It was late at night and he had the chilling feeling that she had been waiting for him to come and find her on this night after weeks of dancing around each other.

"I know," he answered, softer than he normally would, and he wondered about the true nature of the girl Ichigo had insisted was a 'goofball'. Orihime repositioned herself on the tiles and hugged her knees to her body. There was a heavy silence between them until she spoke again.

"I should be saying something right now, but I can't think of what it should be."

He knew the feeling.

"You...you are strong."

She looked up at him questioningly.

"I know you believe I thought you were weak, but I don't." He paused again, trying to decide the best way to phrase what he wanted to say. "I..."

"Yachiru is missing."

Orihime had interrupted him, but rather than being annoyed, he felt relieved. He was not particularly a man of words so much as a man of action when it came to how he felt, be it bloodlust or something else.

"If I guess correctly will you tell me the truth?"

He nodded.

"She was afraid."

"Yes."

"And jealous."

"Yes."

"Jealous of me."

"Yes."

"Why?" And she uncurled and stood to face him.

His throat was dry. He might have paled a bit had he not been Zaraki Kenpachi. Alright, his did pale a bit but there was no way he would ever admit that. Frantically his mind searched for an answer to distract her, or something. Damn it all! He was suppose to put her off balance, not the other way around! She was obviously channeling her captain at the present moment.

_Strength_, he thought, and let his fingertips graze ever-so-slightly against the soft curve of her cheek.

"I can't tell whether I want you or need you, onna, but its something like that."

The woman in front of him covered his hand with her own and leaned into the contact. She knew exactly how he felt.

"Its Orihime, Kenpachi."

00

Wow, I surprised myself with that ending. I'm very pleased how it turned out. :)


End file.
